14 September, 2007

Hurting when others hurt

I haven't done a post in a while, and it feels like the world has spun so fast while I have walked in slow motion. I'm now back in the big BR, working diligently toward the thesis. What is interesting about that little light at the end of the tunnel is that it gets a bit brighter, dims, and then gets a tad brighter again. Sometimes it pulses, teasing me a bit as if I might actually be making progress. However, I keep hearing that it is all about the journey, so I'll keep hiking.

As I've been back in town, many have asked about my summer and the amazing people I met. They want to hear about celebrities, and I want to tell them about my favorite new friends. This rendition really doesn't satisfy them, but if they really want to hear my heart, those are the people who God used to make the most difference.

The one word that keeps coming back to me about my summer is healing. For some reason, I had a deep wound coming into the summer that I had tried to cover up really well. I thought it had healed a few years ago, but it crept back up like a bad dream. When I think of this summer incredibly amazed at how God met a need of mine that I didn't realize I so desparately desired.

And as I reflect on all of this, I see someone who caused me a great amount of hurt to now be in a great amount of pain. Never before did I realize how strongly in me God instilled empathy. Empathy is a funny thing, isn't it? Really, it's the ability to walk alongside someone and feel all that they feel- not because you are going through the pain, but because you care so much for the person and their outcome. Empathy is a funny thing.... or maybe it is grace. Grace that isn't of my own doing, but the Healer who renewed me.

16 June, 2007

Not Consumed

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
Lamentations 3:21-24

This verse is one I've been meditating a lot on lately. It has spoken truth at so many pivotal points in my life, and continues to do the same over and over and over. I'm amazed that God can take one verse and continually use it to glorify Himself.

I really have nothing else to say about it, but just to leave God's Word to speak it all. Speak into situations in my life and yours. The Lord is my portion...therefore I will wait for Him.

27 May, 2007


Greetings from the Music City!!!

I absolutely cannot believe I am here. You know how it is when you move and you are so focused on the "getting there"? I'm that kind of person. I get so focused on the "getting there" part that when I get there and take it in when things quiet down, it all hits. Well, people, it has hit and I am exstatic!! People kept asking me if I was excited, but I think that enthusiasm I had exponentially grew as I drove in the city.

Let me tell you how awesome God is.....

I have 2 amazing roommates, and we are three peas in a pod. I was a bit nervous going from living on my own for a while to moving in with two women, but the transition has been smooth. It is a perfect thing to live with two mature, Christian women. There is nothing more perfect than community you can share your life with, and I am so blessed with them.

These two wonderful women greeted me with open arms and literally ran to hug me when they first met me. It shocks me, really, but that is how love and community are supposed to be. I got to our sunday school today, and people were running up to me, wanting to ask me lots of questions and welcome. I don't think I have ever received such a warm reception.

Now, it's all about funneling this anxious/excited/nervous feeling and going to work on Tues. But, God is and has been faithful... He'll do it!

Thanks for listening, friends. I'll be posting pictures soon.

12 May, 2007


You know how sometimes you learn this incredibly life altering lesson, only to look back a year later and repeat the same process? This is where I am living right now, but its such a good feeling. Let me explain...

In January, I applied to about 50 different internship programs. In March, I sent out my resume again to about 30 different places here in Baton Rouge and elsewhere. April came, and there were 6 interviews. No job. Even until this week, there have been some prospects, but nothing definite. That was, until last Tuesday. I got a call from EMI stating that they'd love to have me for an internship.

Up until this point, I was under the assumption that God had forgotten me - even though I know that is NOT part of His character. I would journal and re-read Psalm 40 of "How Long will You forsake me," all the while believing that it was either 1) my fault that I didn't have a job or 2) there was something better. God really renewed my strength in April as I realized that I had absolutely no control over this process and that there was something better waiting for me in time.

So again, the story of my life.... waiting. God's consistent theme in my life seems to be for me to learn how to wait patiently, and I obviously don't have it down yet. If I did, my logic says that I still wouldn't be repeating these lessons. This time around was different. During this waiting season, I learned a whole new aspect of trusting God. It was as if I actually listened to God the last time I was in this interim decision period. In April, my demeanor changed from "why" to "whatever gives you glory." And the beautiful part about it all is that, yet again, God proved himself faithful and beyond compare. On top of that, His answer was more than I ever asked or imagined.

Trust is a beautiful thing. It is leading me to places I never thought were possible. Just excited for what will happen!

23 April, 2007

Finding hope

First of all, let me start by saying that blogging is a relatively new thing for me. I'd love to say I'm a seasoned pro, but it simply isn't the case. I'm an avid journaler, usually going through a journal every 6 months to a year. The beauty of journaling is that no one has the priviledge of reading what is written. Everything is secret, unknown, and personal. Blogging appears to be more of a balancing act. The line between being transparent and protective of my heart seems like it could easily be blurred. As I blog each Monday, please know that these thoughts are an attempt for me to be transparent and real. Also know that you are free to comment and inject your opinion, whether it agrees or not. The goal of this blog is to more clearly understand what freedom truly means.

That said, freedom has become a bit confused this week with the shootings at Virginia Tech. First, let me state how deeply sorry I am to all the victims, families, friends, community members for all that has transpired. I also pray for Cho's family as they pick up the pieces from something they never imagined would happen. Grieving is healthy and necessary, and a process that is probably the most personal part of this ordeal. Please know that while some of us are not directly in the situation, we grieve along with you.

People have asked where personal freedom ends and control begins, especially when it comes to personal safety. Some say the solution is more security, additional gun control laws, and increased mental health checks for those who might be a danger to others. Others resort to arguing for personal rights, however the former argument usually overpowers the latter.

In all of this, I think there are a few freedoms that have not been considered as of yet. Freedom to unite together and encourage each other in this time of grief. Freedom to stand firm on the ideals we believe and the Truth set before us. Most importantly, freedom to hope that there is something and someOne so much bigger than all of this and has all under control. In the midst of uncertainty, I cling to hope that good will come out of tragedy - just as it has in the past with crises big and small.

While this freedom to hope may not show itself immediately, it will as time passes. Hope is always victorious.

02 April, 2007


Fleur-de-lis ( according to Wikipedia):

"The fleur-de-lis (or fleur-de-lys; plural: fleurs-de-lis) is a stylized design of an iris flower which is used both decoratively and symbolically. In the Middle Ages the symbols of lily and fleur-de-lis (lis is French for "lily") overlapped considerably in religious art. Michel Pastoureau, the historian, says that until about 1300 they were found in depictions of Jesus, but gradually they took on Marian symbolism and were associated with the Song of Solomon's "lily among thorns" (lilium inter spinas), emphasizing important connotations of 'female virtue and spirituality' ."

Lately, I've been drawn to the fleur-de-lis symbol. Maybe it is a bit of Louisiana and French culture that is rubbing off onto me. It is seen everywhere down here, and has always appeared to be a powerful, unique creation. I never truly knew what it meant, but just that it looked pretty and that I have them all over my house. So, I decided to look it up - and I found out how truly powerful this symbol can be.

Over time, the fleur-de-lis has been used by so many people groups, but what caught my eye was the main reason was that it was found when Jesus was drawn in art. Now, I don't know how the symbol was shown- was it shiny? Dull? Just an outline? A solid figure? Not sure about any of that, but if it was there, it was there. And as I thought about that, especially to it's reference to Song of Solomon, I thought about how much I long to be that symbol. I crave to be a fleur-de-lis that represents God, not this culture. I desire to be that "lily among thorns" and not be wrapped up in the world. I struggle with that every day here- moreso than I've done in the past.

In showing off this great symbol all around the streets of BR and NOLA to friends the last few weekends, I've been refreshed and encouraged as to how to be that "lily among thorns" again. I think their presence again made me realize just how far God has brought me, and how much He has yet to call me to. As well as how much responsibility I have to represent Jesus to these people, to be that shiny fleur-de-lis, because of God's great name.