What is your passion? (pt 3 of 3)

Finally, right? Finally she updates her blog. Let's just say the last few weeks have been an incredible ride so far. I just haven't had a chance to update.

A few weeks ago I finally got the chance to sit down and journal. I typically go through a journal a year, but I'm slowly working through this one. DC life tripled my normal pace and I've been trying to keep up. So, I sat down one Sat morning at a Sbux and wrote:

"It has been a rough week. Just one of those weeks that has made me question why I'm here, what God is doing, and if there's really a hope and a future in DC. I feel like all the creativity in me is sucked dry. So, I'm taking some breathing space to rediscover my passions - the things that make me tick:

*Lattes - specifically skinny gingerbread lattes WITH whipped cream during Christmas
*Great handwriting
*Clean lines
*Organization
*Worshiping to a God I want to desperately seek with people I don't know
*Relationships that are strong, vibrant and productive
*Smart ways for people to give back to the community, earth, etc.
*African babies who need love
*People with bright and brilliant eye colors
*Embracing the many complexities of me
*High impact, high energy
*Fleur de lis
*Romantic wistful graphic designs
*Pedicures
*Yogi tea
*Music that is thoughtful and frees your soul
*Intricate fashion designs coupled with strong fabrics and colors
*Yoga and yoga pants
*The cleansing power of water
*Wine and it's ability to bring people together
*Strength in weakness
*Being purposeful with your words
*Photography that allows you to enter into the shot and wonder what is happening
*The tension of order vs chaos
*Spontaneity in the midst of routine
*Singer/songwriters who put their all into their music to create more than a catchy hook
*People watching
*Intelligent and genuine conversation
*The hard work ethic and wide open wheat fields of ks
*Classic pop culture icons
*Sensible and rational choices
*Being observant in the every day life to learn lessons that I otherwise may have never seen
*The "alive" factor of God's Word and how it affects people differently
*Songs that transport me back to a certain place and time
*Jackets, scarves, and handbags with lots of pockets and great liners
*Deep earthy tones in tiles and back splashes
*Comfy sheets and fleece jackets
*Reaching new audiences with a message through new forms of communication
*Cooking with wine and trying new recipes I know I'm going to screw up.
*Growth: plants and people."

This seems to be a very random list, but it's a great start to rediscovery.

What is your passion? (pt 2 or 3)

Finally, a new blog update and a chance to breathe. The last 4 weeks have been hectic with my bro, sis-in-law and cousin coming to DC. Pile that on top of work and other commitments, and you have one incredibly exhausted Amy. I still haven't learned the art of saying "no," but I was too excited to have visitors that tiredness didn't matter.

I was ecstatic to have a chance to be still and took advantage of the opportunity this weekend. It seemed like the perfect time to take a Saturday morning and fill it with a latte, a great book, and my journal. Here is part of the result:

First, I finally finished Crazy Love. Oh my gosh, folks. If you want to read a convicting book about what it truly means to change the world, read this. Francis Chan asks the simple, yet complex, question: What would it look like if we actually did love others as Christ called us to? What if we took God at His Word, let His Word guide our lives, and simply do what it says? What would happen if we were so captivated by God's love for us that we acted upon it in radical ways? It was an eye-opener for me - I would treat people with so much more respect and much less judgment. I would sacrifice more.

It's a lot to think about, even though it seems like it could be so simple. I'm faced with people who are incredibly disillusioned by Christianity all the time. Either it was a friend who was a Christian that hurt them or a pastor or minister who rubbed them the wrong way. Maybe it was a really difficult personal situation, and no one was there to walk with them through the darkness. Whatever the situation, there seems to be this great disconnect between our actions and what we ought to do. I'm as guilty as the next person - I'm human and I've hurt others deeply. If there is a disconnect and people feel there is a miscommunication between what God says and what we do, there's a problem. At the end of the day, it is all about continually seeking God, pursuing a relationship with Him, and loving others as He loves us - and that love will automatically be what the world needs to see to signify what God is truly all about.

The second part of the morning was a bit of rediscovery...and since I've rambled on and on, it will have to come in the next post :)

Let's hear it for my mother

The Inter-webbiness of our lives is insane. In elementary school, I remember when we got our first Apple MacIntosh computer. Aaaah, the floppy disks... Oregon Trail (I always died of typhus)...memories. Then, we moved onto more important technological things on our new PC, like Carmen SanDiego. Those were the days. Life was more simple then.

Now, we have social networking coming out our ears. I cannot count the number of accounts I have: Flickr, Facebook, Twitter, and my unfinished Linked In account, among others. I still hold onto some sense of privacy - I pride myself that it truly is a treasure hunt to find me on Facebook. As I signed up for all of these, I thought that our generation was the best because we were so advanced in this area. So technologically savvy. I mean, I can't build my own web site, but I have a blog - that counts, right? And surely, my parents will never figure out how to run this thing...much less see what I'm posting on all of these sites, right?

Wrong. I discovered I was incorrect when my mother found my blog and started following me on Twitter. She not only blogs, but also tweets (Who came up with these words, anyways? SERIOUSLY?!?!). I'm amazed that, sometimes, I can read enough about her life on her blog to catch me up for a few weeks. Of course, this doesn't and shouldn't replace the phone calls, but it makes life a bit more interesting (hint hint, mom... call me).

So, check out her blog... tell her I sent ya. Also, while you're at it, check out Remember the Milk. It is a web application and organizational tool, helping those who can't plan ahead to begin prioritizing tasks. You can add it as an app to your iPhone or iPod touch. I'm all for anything that helps disorganized individuals get back on track :)

Love is Waiting

This is an amazing song that we sung at church last week. Not only is Brooke Fraser a talented singer/songwriter, but she also loves Rwanda. Go to her website (www.brookefraser.com) to see photo albums and listen to her album "Albertine."

I just thought this was an appropriate song for today. Many of my friends have resonated with the lyrics and asked me to share. Lots of love to y'all on Valentine's Day!!!


Love is Waiting
In the autumn on the ground
Between the traffic and the ordinary sounds
I am thinking signs and seasons
While a north wind blows through

I watch as lovers pass me by
Walking stories, who’s and how’s and why’s
Musing lazily on love, pondering you

Let’s give it time, give it space
And be still for a spell
When it’s time to walk that way
We wanna walk it well

It’s my caution not the cold
There’s no other hand that I would rather hold
The climate changes, I’m singing for strangers about you

Don’t keep time, slow the pace
Honey hold on if you can
The bets are getting surer now
That you’re my man

Bridge
I could write a million songs about the way you say my name
I could live a lifetime with you and then do it all again
And like I can’t force the sun to rise
Or hasten summer’s start
Neither should I rush my way into your heart

What is your passion in life?

Last night, our small group had a mixer with another 2 small groups at Frontline (Again, have I mentioned how much I love these girls?? Absolutely love 'em). During one of the icebreaker activities, we were instructed to read questions to our smaller group of participants and answer them. Some of the questions were "what is your favorite candy?" or "Are you a morning person or night owl?" During one of our q & a sessions, one of the guys said "enough about these stupid questions, let's make up our own." Then, he promptly asks: "What is your passion in life?"

For some reason, the thought took me by surprise. What was my passion? Do I have just one or are there many?

Let's just say that these questions have been circling around my head the past 12 hours. How do I define myself? How do others see me? Am I following my passion in life? All of these questions are enough to make this head spin a bit.

So, I'm planning on taking some time and reflecting on these deeper insights. We'll see what comes out of it, but I'm sure that it will include a new blog design and possibly a new Web site (I've been dying to really dig into Web and graphic design). The next post this weekend will have a few polls, so get your thinking caps on and help me decide on a few designs/ideas/thoughts/musings!

Heartache and Inspiration

Yesterday was a rough day for the K-State Challenge family. If you know Joel and Jess McClenahan or read any of the Challenge alum blogs, then you know the pain that they are going through. On Sunday, their sweet 10 month-old Cora Paige passed away fighting a battle with neuroblastoma. She was a beautiful girl who was loved and fervently prayed for.

I don't know Joel and Jess as well as I would like to, but I've spent my lunch break reading the blogs of so many of my dear KS friends who attended Cora's funeral yesterday. In each of them, you can hear the heartbreak and can't help but feel it yourself. The tremendous pain is evident in all their stories. But what I also hear is how faithful and loving God is in all of this. I read about how strong Joel and Jess were at the funeral. I saw how God was taking this devastation and creating happiness through Cora's future playground.

The beautiful part is that the God who heals was the same in the beginning as He will be tomorrow. My heart hurts for Joel, Jess, their family and the Challenge community that knew Cora. But, I am inspired how one little girl can make us all cling to God and worship Him more.

If you'd like to learn more about the story, go to Joel and Jess's blog: http://themcclenahans.blogspot.com/
Check out Tim Seley's Lullaby for Cora: www.newmusicmonday.com

You can also read about others' thoughts at All Dolled Up(Date), Breezy Acres Farm, or C's Confetti

To donate to Cora's Playground, go to www.corapaige.com

In the freezing cold for history - Inauguration part 2

After about 3 hours of sleep, I woke up and dressed in about 5 layers on Jan. 20 (That is, if you count the long johns, 3 shirts, 2 coats, hat and gloves). E and I decided that we were safe to leave at 8am because we had tickets - surely our yellow seats were guaranteed. We packed on the cattle car, um, I mean Metro, around that time and jetted to Union Station only to find that the line for our gate stretched around 10 blocks. Seriously? 10 blocks?!?! Seriously...

We schlepped for about 8 blocks and then realized that there was mass confusion around Louisiana and C St NW. The purple and yellow lines converged into one massive cluster. People were climbing on garbage trucks to find their designated entrance and there were no cops in sight to help. Finally, the event planner in E and I kicked in and we started directing traffic until we saw a break in the line.

Finally, we reached the real yellow gate entrance and saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Our hands were freezing and we weren't talking so that we could conserve energy. All of a sudden we see people running and high-pitched squealing. E shot me this confused look, glanced back at the commotion, and froze. It was Diddy. Yes, the Diddy (although it took us a bit to remember what he calls himself now). I fumbled to try and find the camera, but it was too late. He ducked into the Capitol's side entrance and vanished.

Once we got through the gate, it was smooth sailing. We flew through security and found some great seats. I still can't believe we were so close and were able to enjoy a significant moment in history. People were crying and cheering. I was a bit upset at the "Hey na na na, Goodbye Bush" song and boo-ing that was going on in the background. All in all, it was an amazing and exhausting day. There are many more stories, so please ask if you want to know!

All the other pictures are on my flickr site: www.flickr.com/amylizlovesjava. Go check them out!

All gussied up with out the boots... Inauguration part 1

Ok, it is about time I recap the inauguration weekend. As scaffolding was built and roads were being blocked weeks ahead of the big day, Washingtonians became uneasy. City officials projected a record turn out, giving statistics such as one bathroom for 6,000 people. My friends and I discussed how we didn't want to be here and I started making plans to fly as far away from the District as possible. The plans fell through and I realized that I had two options: make the most of the weekend or hibernate.

I'm the "make the most of it" kinda girl, so I started trying to figure out plans. They all fell into place, starting with the Texas State Society's Black Tie and Boots inaugural ball. The day started with my three hour long attempt to pick up my tickets. All of the Congressional offices opened their doors on MLK day to hand out tickets. I figured it would be a good time to see my friend Josh Lewis and hang out for a while. So, I waited in line for an hour and then hung out with him for a few.


Seeing that this was as good a time as any, I decided to take pics in front of the Capitol before the craziness.


I rushed home and attempted to put myself together for the ball. This was always the one that the Bushs loved, but no one from the family showed up. Our entire bible study volunteered at the media table, so we all got in free and were able to enjoy the show. The best part were the dresses and people watching. Cowboy boots and formal dresses... I'm not kidding. We had a fabulous time dancing and holding a running fashion commentary ("did you see that dress with those cowboy boots? Oh my...")



Neal McCoy sang the national anthem, and Jack Ingram rocked out all night. Denzel Washington even showed up!


It was an amazing experience for my first Inaugural ball. More to come about Inauguration day...

A brief commercial break

I promise that I'll blog about Inauguration. Many people have asked about it and why I haven't done it yet, and my only excuse is that I've been incredibly busy. So busy that it feels like we've planned for 2009 and it has already past. Have you ever had that feeling? You plan so much for the upcoming year that January is suddenly over and you feel panic to get it all done. Yes, that is the feeling.

However, I'd like to take a break before I create the Inauguration-blogs (with pics, dear web friends), to talk about last weekend. On Friday, Anna facebooked me to let me know that her and her amazing guitar playin hubby would be in Hampton, VA. I quickly flew to Google Maps to realize that it was only 3 hours away. I am the queen of the roadtrip... I love them SO much and haven't had one in forever.

Those who don't know Anna probably need to understand her awesomeness. I knew Anna and Justin at K-State through Christian Challenge. We all knew what was going on in each others' lives, but were never super close. When I moved to Nashville for summer 2007, I was able to hang out a lot with her. I love her.. I think she is incredible.

That said, I happily raced out of the District to see my friends. Justin is playing for an up-and-coming Country sensation Whitney Duncan. She is so sweet and has an amazing voice. As a singer/songwriter, she rocks out and really cares about her band, how everyone is doing, how it sounds, and all the aspects of being in the business. She has an EP out on iTunes now, and her full album releases in April. Check it out, people... I HIGHLY recommend it.

So, Anna and I saw the show, caught up a bit, hung out with the band, and went out to eat with everyone. It was so much fun to see all of them, but especially to catch up with Anna. Apparently, I missed the fun on the bus afterward, but I was sooooo tired and had to drive home. The only bummer of the whole thing was that I forgot my camera. Anna and I have nothing but our blogs to document the visit.

Thanks Anna and Justin!! I had a blast. Everyone, check out Whitney on iTunes or WhitneyDuncan.com!!!!

Coming soon

Hey all! I promise that I'll post soon about the Inauguration weekend. It has been insane and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it all. Luckily, we have a 3 day work week and can take the weekend to recover. So, more info/pics/amazing inauguration coverage coming soon!

Inauguration Craziness

When I moved to DC in May, I knew that Jan 20,2008 would be a momentous occasion. Little did I know that it would be the social event of the year. I'm incredibly fortunate to spend the weekend here in the nation's capitol (even though, at times, I'd rather be on a plane to visit people far away from the insanity).

Let's just say that celebrities are out in full force. A coworker of mine talked with Sarah Jessica Parker at the "Betrayed" play premiere at the Kennedy Center. George Clooney has been spotted in Georgetown. And, to top it all off, there is a MASSIVE free concert on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, featuring Beyonce, Will.I.Am, and many others (U2 is even rumored to play as well).

So, in my attempt to document history, I'll be updating as much as I possibly can. You can also follow me on Twitter (www.twitter.com/amylizmartin) to see where I am. Here's my schedule thus far:

Tonight: Friend's party in Eastern Market/ Capitol Hill area
Saturday: "day off" from Inauguration activities, but I'll probably do a photo shoot day around the Mall.
Sunday: Lincoln Memorial Concert
Monday: Texas State Society's Inaugural Ball (Denzel Washington and Marcia Cross from Desparate Housewives may be there. I'm not sure of their connection to TX, but who knows!)
Tuesday: Seats for the Swearing In and Parade.

Happy Inauguration weekend, everyone!

I fought the DC DMV....and I won!

For those of you who are unaware, the District's government bureaucracy is a bit intense. You would assume that the nation's capitol would function a bit more efficiently, but there is an unending stream of paperwork to do anything in this town. I encountered it when I first moved here and had to hassle with getting a parking permit for my moving pod. It has gone downhill from there.

Since that time, I've received at least 3 parking tickets and have had to pay a lot of money to fix them. The fourth happened on the day of our Awards Dinner as I was picking up photos for the exhibit that evening. It was d-day and I found my car on a towing truck because I parked it in an area I shouldn't have. I was so incredibly lucky to get it off the tow truck, only to be handed a $100 ticket. This was when I discovered a loophole:

If DC DMV doesn't post your ticked on their Web site within 20 days of issuing the citation, it is void.

Yes, you heard me correctly : v-o-i-d. And, 20 days after the fact, I checked the Web site to find the ticket was not posted. Ultimate vindication came today as I hestiantly checked the Web site one more time to see the message "This ticket is null and void."

How I love that phrase :)

New Years Resolutions

I'd love to say that I make - and keep - all New Years resolutions. I've had the resolution to stop picking at my fingers for at least 6 years now. it never worked. One year, I decided that I would give up coffee... everyone begged me to grab Starbucks on my way to work. The only resolution that has ever worked was to go at least one new place each year. I've done that the past 2 years in a row.

I'm not a superstitious person. Being born on a Friday the 13th kind of makes you that way. You forget paranoia and somewhat throw caution to the wind. When it comes to making promises on Jan 1, I tend to forego the tradition. I believe that if I really need to make a change in my life, I need to do it on a day that doesn't already almost qualify it for failure (I read a statistic that says 78% of those who make resolutions break the promise in the first month).

What I realized today was not the need for a fleeting resolution, but the desire for a lasting change. There are two areas in my life that really need some work, some TLC. The first is to let things roll off my back and not take things personal. Nothing really triggered this realization, but it has been a common theme woven through my life. I'd like to fix that.

The second is that I'd like to release my inner creativity more than I do. Over the past few months, I've been caught up in the 9-5 life that I've had little time to write, work on photography, and explore. I also want to stop taking crappy pictures and start learning the trade, along with the photoshop that follows. I have the tools, I just need the know how. So, I'm going to start taking a picture every day of the things I see in my life, and hopefully those pics will tell a story of a woman who wants to express a bit more. Who knows, maybe it will lead to the IKEA desk I've had my eye on for years :)

Tagged... by about 3 people

I'm a big fan of the game of "tag." Actually, I take that back. I liked the physical game of tag when I was a kid, but now that game somehow morphed into a game of "phone tag." I hate phone tag (is that strong enough for you? Hate.. don't use that word much). However, this is a game of tag I can get behind.

Nae and Mandy, being the sweet friends they are, tagged me. Anna, bless her heart, did the same survey but didn't tag anyone (you rock). So, to complete Nae's request:
1. Choose the 4th picture folder on my computer
2. Choose the 4th picture
3. Explain the photo
4. Tag 4 others

Here it is! It was actually from last weekend in NY. I've always wanted to go to NY to see the Christmas lights, and made a vow that I would once I moved to DC. We made an impromptu trip, stayed at an apartment we found on Craigslist, and did the Christmas thing all weekend. As you can tell by the red nose and rough face, I was sick the entire time. But, we had a blast!



Now, for Mandy's tag. 6 Random facts about Amy (the Christmas version):

1) When I used to decorate the Christmas tree at home, I had 3 "ugly" ornaments that I always put in the back of the tree. No lie- they were gross and scary.

2) There is one light display that I must see whenever I go to Wichita for Christmas. I saw it last year, and it was just as breathtaking as when I grew up. It's a house in the Riverside area that puts baby Jesus on the roof. So many childhood memories.

3)I cannot make molasses cookies.. I determined this last night.

4)Favorite Christmas song: O Holy Night

5)As much as I love the season change, I miss wearing flip flops around Christmas time. The South spoiled me.

6) To me, the beginning of the Christmas season is marked by the red cups at Starbucks. Once I can buy a gingerbread latte in a red cup, I can start Christmas shopping.

There you go! So, now I'm tagging Em, SB, Eeka, and Meaghan. Have fun!

Best of the Box

Let me tell you: working the regular 9-5 comes with some interesting perks. Salary. Vacation. Benefits. Boxed lunches. Wait.. you weren't thinking about lunch choices as a benefit of working a full-time job?

My coworker Dawn and I discovered that we have this affinity for bringing the ready-made lunch each day to work. We are also slightly obsessed with eating out, but we realized the economic need to cut down on that activity. It all started with Trader Joe's macaroni in a bag, and then grew to include Lean Cuisines. Now, we're branching out and we'll tell you all about it.



Best of the Box is our Zagat-like guide of what is wonderful or inedible in the easy to make lunch category. We will critique everything from flash frozen meals to lunch in a can.

So check out our blog and tell us what you think! You never know what you might find for lunch.

What I'm Thankful for

One of the main reasons for this blog is to maintain the community that I know and love and connect with those that I don't see every day. After moving quite a bit over the past 10 years, I always find it more difficult to make sure and spend time relating the day's events to people I care for. The blog is also an outlet for me to speak what is on my heart without other's comments. It's just a pure sense of me - the good, the bad, and the very ugly.

In the tradition of others' "Thanksgiving posts," it seemed appropriate for me to create my own. This is the first Thanksgiving that I haven't been surrounded by family in 27 years and I miss you all terribly. But, distance shouldn't stop us from sharing love. So, other than the many phone calls I'll have today with you all, here is a list of things I'm incredibly grateful for.

1) My family (obvious, huh?) who has been there through thick and thin, good and bad. They've watched me fall, I've watched them fall, and we all seem to help each other stand on our own two feet again. I'm loved so much that they can let go and know that I'll be fine.

2) My friends whom I have laughed and cried with throughout some really fun and difficult circumstances. Nae and Eeka, who taught me the beauty of being a godly woman with all of it's ups, downs and inbetweens. (haha..I'm thankful for Nae who poisoned me with peanut butter the first time I met her, unexplainably creating one of the strongest friendships I'll ever know - remember that?). Amanda, who is one of the biggest encouragers I know. For friends who I'm eternally tied to just by the way God created us - ahem, Mandy. For the most recent friends, S and Em, who have taught me how to break out of my shell and realize the full potential that lies within each of us. And friends that I miss dearly and just want to go run with - Anna... we NEED to plan a time to see each other!

3) For the iPod for dying on me to show humility and that I don't get everything I want. (I HAD to put in something material!)

4) For God's incredible and unexplainable provision over the past year - and a job that amazes me every day.

5) To live in a country founded on freedom, integrity, and principle.

6) That I didn't completely lose all of my music trying to clean out my Macbook (I had a small panic attack about that last night...)

7) The ability to take risks, to find the rewards, and be able to not succeed but learn by trying.

8) REALLY good coffee from M.E. Swings - the main thing that has kept me going over the past few months.

9) The fact that I didn't completely butcher the sweet potato casserole! (Amazing, isn't it?)

10) Facebook - It has kept me connected to people that I, unfortunately, haven't called since I left Baton Rouge. I feel really guilty about it, too.

Happy Thanksgiving! I'm so incredibly thankful for you!

A sad day for this music lover

For anyone who takes the Metro to work, their iPod is their lifeline. Unfortunately, this
now flashes this on the screen


Needless to say... I am distraught.

I fixed it about a year ago when it did this the first time. I found a great web site that told me how to pop open the cover and tinker inside. I was elated when it started working again. In fact, I remember crying. Not that I'm attached to the iPod or anything...

But now, the iPod has a final resting place. I can't bear to look at the screen anymore, with it's sad face and caution symbol. After four years, I think it had a full life. So, I wanted to pose this question out to all of you:

1) Does anyone have great suggestions on how to fix it? Any words of wisdom?

2) If I do decide to get a new iPod, which one should I buy?

Social Experiment

I'm a psychology major at heart. I love watching people find common bonds and see how one person relates to another. During many conversations, I can hear both the words that are said and visualize how the people communicate with each other by arrows and colors. Call me weird, but I've always been this way. I love social experiments - throw a few people in the room together and see if they like each other. My birthday party was somewhat like that. We merged 4 groups of people together at Mr. Smith's, a piano bar in Georgetown. Everyone had a blast and I had an excuse to sing at the top of my lungs.

So, in the realm of social craziness and potentially awkward situations, I did the unthinkable...I signed up on Match.com for a free 3 day trial. I went on Match during my 4 years in BR simply because it was incredibly difficult to find guys that I would date. I'm not exaggerating. I figured I would spice life up a bit and went out on a bunch of dates with Match. All of the guys ended up with nicknames (girls, you know what that means.. they were horrible). I figured that Match didn't work in BR because of the pool to choose from.

I decided to go back on Match for three days just because I heard so many others talk about it here in DC. I don't really want to date someone off of an internet dating site, and I'm not looking to date lots of random men. But, what I found completely shocked me.

In 2 days of a "live online profile":
*My profile was viewed 453 times and "favorited" 4 times
*I've been winked at by 53 men
*The average age... drumroll, please.....is 41. (yes, that is a big 4-1. I'm not kidding. I was appalled and really sad).
*By their emails, It was incredibly apparent that none of them really looked at my entire profile enough to start a decent conversation.
*I received 8 emails that only said "cute dimple"
*I received 1 email that said something derogatory about meeting me.

The free trial ends tomorrow and I don't think I'm going to renew. At least it was interesting while it lasted! I'm just glad to rely on the good ol' fashioned way of meeting guys.. striking up a conversation and seeing what they're all about - in person.

Another year, another thought

This Thursday marks the 27th year that God has blessed me with the ability to walk on this earth. I know that seems a bit weighty, and nevermind that some years were better than others. Every year, I like to reflect and see what all has happened (I think my dad instilled this in me- we also do this, just him and me, at New Years). Some years, I look back in awe of all that has taken place. Other years, I look back in relief, grateful that the specific year passed. A few of those years, I have cried...yes, cried.. because it just felt like I was too $*($& old. (Yeah, I know, I have no room to talk - the old feeling comes mainly from the singleness.. you know what I mean).

This year is a bit different than others. It is a mix of gratefulness and anticipation. If I look back, the rap sheet is long: earned a Master's degree, started a job, moved to a new city completely out of my comfort zone, watched family changes, friend changes, traveled to new cities. I was healed from past hurts, able to mend wounded relationships, and could walk away from a specific situation with my head held high, knowing that I took the best route I could. I was continually reminded that I fail, fall, and am consistently redeemed by grace and mercy. I have been disappointed and hurt, longing for something so much more than what I have in certain situations. I am secure in the woman I've become, yet I don't want to remain the same throughout the next year.

And while all of these thoughts could still classify me as the "walking contradiction" I'm sometimes known to be, I'm so grateful for the people in my life who help me to realize that I need focus and keep reaching for my potential. I'm encouraged by those who never let me quit and don't like to hear me whine; those who make me think for myself to know what is best and challenge me to take risks. To those who believe in me, even when I don't, I love you dearly and I would not be here without you.

Resonating

"Only the truth in truthfulness can save us..."

I've been listening to Sara Groves and this line really struck me. It is so simple, yet incredibly profound.

"Lord, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill?

He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous,
who speaks truth from his heart and has no slander on his tongue,
who does his neighbor no wrong and casts no slur on his fellow man,
who despises a vile man but honors those who fear the Lord,
who keeps his oath even when it hurts,
who lends his money without usury and does not accept a bribe against the innocent.

He who does these things will never be shaken." - Psalm 15

I fall so short...